The main question of Mark Davis' sermon last night was that we often do things for the Lord out of a sense of obligation, but when was the last time you did something just because you love Jesus? When was the last time I parented out of a simple, burning love for Christ? Or visited someone? Or ministered to someone?
June Hanks, our good friend who has taken a leave of absence from UTC to minister to those in Haiti, expressed her greatest desire: that she would "ooze Jesus" to the people of Haiti. Jesus is the hope for the devastated land of Haiti. And June knows that, and knows that while the prostheses and physical therapy she offers to wounded Haitians is helpful, it is not the solution to the deepest needs of that country. It's Jesus. Only he can heal Haiti.
Mark asked another question: for fear of legalism, are we often lazy and undisciplined? I don't know that I'm afraid of legalism. I think I'm just lazy and undisciplined. I don't make the most of every opportunity I'm given, and I am not doing everything I can with everything I have to impact the world for Christ. I want to do it, but it is easier to think about doing so many things later, not today. Such thinking never gets around to accomplishing anything for the kingdom of God.
But don't hear this as a condemnation. It's not.
The thing is, that kind of passion is birthed out of really seeing Christ. Seeking him, finding him. It starts with a prayer: Lord, open my eyes so I can really see you. Because if I really see you, it will be the delight of my heart to serve you in any way, at any time.
It also generally continues in the word of God. Psalm 145:4-5: "One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works." God's works, his grace, his might, are all poured out on the pages of Scripture. And when I meditate on these works, I see Jesus.
Have you ever heard of Marilyn Laszlo? She was a young girl growing up in Indiana when she sensed a call to go to be a missionary. She studied linguistics and went to Papua New Guinea to translate Scripture into a language that did not have Scripture. She did. You can read about her ministry here. The coolest part of the story was that after she learned the language, and developed a grammar, and translated Scripture into their language, and sent it off, the moment came when the boxes of new Bibles were being transported by canoe down the river to the tribe. And at that moment, the chant began: "Here comes the Word of God! Here comes the Word of God!" Do I approach Scripture with that kind of hope, passion, anticipation? Here comes the Word of God, exactly what I need to hear! Here comes my chance this morning to be transformed by Christ!
My heart must be affected. As Jonathan Edwards noted, affection causes activity. I will do what I'm passionate about. My desires will generally determine the shape of my day--or at least my attitude about what that day holds. Lord, shape my heart by your word. Make me a mom who is controlled by your Spirit.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Last Words
Tonight we will conclude FPCC's 59th annual missions conference. We have really enjoyed getting to know some of our international ministry partners, serving God all over the world. Some of them are just heading out into the field for the first time in November, little ones in tow. I feel a kinship with them; we have all been called to full-time ministry, we have the same passion for the gospel and for people knowing Christ and experiencing the gospel of grace. We all depend on the same great God to make anything happen.
Our speaker last night was Mark Davids, the pastor of Park Cities church and a good friend of Tim's. He taught us so clearly and faithfully from Psalm 145 and 1 Samuel 17: the first and last recorded words of David. He began in Psalm 145, the fruit of a life lived with God: "One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works." (4-5)
After a roller-coaster life, David could say with confidence, "Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.... They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." (3,6-8) The verses are almost too familiar, so I need to slow down: God's greatness no one can fathom. I like the ESV better: his greatness is unsearchable. It is beyond my comprehension. Mark offered a helpful illustration: If you took a dixie cup and filled it with sand on the beach, and then extracted every grain of sand, and each grain represented an attribute of God, you would have a lot of attributes of God. But it would only be a beginning. God's greatness is unsearchable. And we will have eternity to continue to discover his greatness, and majesty, and grace, and compassion, and abundant goodness, and love. And, being finite, we will never comprehend the infinite in his entirety; there will always be infinitely more to know about God.
Mark then turned to the first recorded words of David: the story of David and Goliath. Another passage in danger of becoming too familiar. A real boy encountering a really monstrous warrior. A real shepherd, who had trusted God to enable him to fight of real bears and wild animals who were after his sheep. It's a remarkable story. David's first words are indignant: "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" (1 Sam 17:26) He comes to the army camp to bring food for his brothers. He sees the giant, and all he sees is a disgrace. Why should one man defy the armies of God? As he explains to Saul, "Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." (17:36-37) The bottom line is that it's not about David or his strength or courage. It's about the living God. Delivering David from the Philistine would be no more difficult for God than delivering him from the bear or lion. Deliverance is deliverance, and David knew God could do it.
Because David knew that God is a God who acts, he would not stand by and let God be shamed. God delivers; David wanted God to use him to accomplish his work. And seeing God's mercy, his faithfulness, his ability to deliver his people, David could not help but speak: "I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever." (Ps 145:1-2) After a lifetime of observing God's faithfulness, he pens this psalm of praise. He is compelled by the love of God.
The question, then, is whether all of us who trust Christ for our salvation are similarly compelled to speak of the goodness and greatness of God. I am reminded of A. W. Tozer's comment that no book should be written unless forced out through inward pressure. Is the gospel forced out through inward pressure in my heart? Do I share the marvel of what God has accomplished on my behalf out of obligation, or out of a burning love for Christ, a deep gratitude for what he has done for me? I was lost and utterly incapable of reaching out to God; he rescued me. He did for me what I could not do for myself.
Mark challenged us that, by and large, we are not very deep. Sure, we may have taken our head-knowledge of the gospel and connected it to our hearts--which, for many, is the sign of depth. But, he noted, that's not depth--it's only deep if that's how you define depth. Connecting head and heart is not how scripture defines spiritual depth. It becomes deep when the gospel proceeds from head and heart and is forced out through hands and feet by inward pressure--the love of Christ compels us. We must speak. We must declare--tell clearly--what God has done. We must act on the gospel.
I think this is part of what I have been trying to figure out for years now. I have been deeply unsatisfied with the spiritual formation that I have studied and taught in the past. Even though the focus is God, it seems inherently self-absorbed. And yes, I know, one is to undertake a balance of inward and outward disciplines; but even this program begins to look like a simple exercise in saving myself. I must position myself for spiritual growth--it is all up to me. If you've read my article on the disciplines, you know that I struggle theologically with some of the underlying assumptions that a lot of writers in the spiritual disciplines make. But I think that part of what I have been trying to see is that connecting the head and heart is not enough--and it's not even just about adding service. It's about being compelled by the love of Christ to proclaim the gospel. It is a deep knowledge and passion for God that is exhibited in what I do and say, and a life that finds its definition in expressing thanks to God for who he is and what he has done. It is so easy to become self-absorbed, sometimes by problems, sometimes by joys, even by focus on spiritual growth. What David reminds us is that it is completely not about us. It's about God, his plans and purposes, the redemption of his people. We get to be part of it. And that's it.
I am looking forward to tonight.
Our speaker last night was Mark Davids, the pastor of Park Cities church and a good friend of Tim's. He taught us so clearly and faithfully from Psalm 145 and 1 Samuel 17: the first and last recorded words of David. He began in Psalm 145, the fruit of a life lived with God: "One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works." (4-5)
After a roller-coaster life, David could say with confidence, "Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.... They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." (3,6-8) The verses are almost too familiar, so I need to slow down: God's greatness no one can fathom. I like the ESV better: his greatness is unsearchable. It is beyond my comprehension. Mark offered a helpful illustration: If you took a dixie cup and filled it with sand on the beach, and then extracted every grain of sand, and each grain represented an attribute of God, you would have a lot of attributes of God. But it would only be a beginning. God's greatness is unsearchable. And we will have eternity to continue to discover his greatness, and majesty, and grace, and compassion, and abundant goodness, and love. And, being finite, we will never comprehend the infinite in his entirety; there will always be infinitely more to know about God.
Mark then turned to the first recorded words of David: the story of David and Goliath. Another passage in danger of becoming too familiar. A real boy encountering a really monstrous warrior. A real shepherd, who had trusted God to enable him to fight of real bears and wild animals who were after his sheep. It's a remarkable story. David's first words are indignant: "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" (1 Sam 17:26) He comes to the army camp to bring food for his brothers. He sees the giant, and all he sees is a disgrace. Why should one man defy the armies of God? As he explains to Saul, "Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." (17:36-37) The bottom line is that it's not about David or his strength or courage. It's about the living God. Delivering David from the Philistine would be no more difficult for God than delivering him from the bear or lion. Deliverance is deliverance, and David knew God could do it.
Because David knew that God is a God who acts, he would not stand by and let God be shamed. God delivers; David wanted God to use him to accomplish his work. And seeing God's mercy, his faithfulness, his ability to deliver his people, David could not help but speak: "I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever." (Ps 145:1-2) After a lifetime of observing God's faithfulness, he pens this psalm of praise. He is compelled by the love of God.
The question, then, is whether all of us who trust Christ for our salvation are similarly compelled to speak of the goodness and greatness of God. I am reminded of A. W. Tozer's comment that no book should be written unless forced out through inward pressure. Is the gospel forced out through inward pressure in my heart? Do I share the marvel of what God has accomplished on my behalf out of obligation, or out of a burning love for Christ, a deep gratitude for what he has done for me? I was lost and utterly incapable of reaching out to God; he rescued me. He did for me what I could not do for myself.
Mark challenged us that, by and large, we are not very deep. Sure, we may have taken our head-knowledge of the gospel and connected it to our hearts--which, for many, is the sign of depth. But, he noted, that's not depth--it's only deep if that's how you define depth. Connecting head and heart is not how scripture defines spiritual depth. It becomes deep when the gospel proceeds from head and heart and is forced out through hands and feet by inward pressure--the love of Christ compels us. We must speak. We must declare--tell clearly--what God has done. We must act on the gospel.
I think this is part of what I have been trying to figure out for years now. I have been deeply unsatisfied with the spiritual formation that I have studied and taught in the past. Even though the focus is God, it seems inherently self-absorbed. And yes, I know, one is to undertake a balance of inward and outward disciplines; but even this program begins to look like a simple exercise in saving myself. I must position myself for spiritual growth--it is all up to me. If you've read my article on the disciplines, you know that I struggle theologically with some of the underlying assumptions that a lot of writers in the spiritual disciplines make. But I think that part of what I have been trying to see is that connecting the head and heart is not enough--and it's not even just about adding service. It's about being compelled by the love of Christ to proclaim the gospel. It is a deep knowledge and passion for God that is exhibited in what I do and say, and a life that finds its definition in expressing thanks to God for who he is and what he has done. It is so easy to become self-absorbed, sometimes by problems, sometimes by joys, even by focus on spiritual growth. What David reminds us is that it is completely not about us. It's about God, his plans and purposes, the redemption of his people. We get to be part of it. And that's it.
I am looking forward to tonight.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Aircraft Carrier
Yesterday was Day Two of our missions conference, and I have to say that it's probably my favorite missions conference yet. There is such a sense of purpose and hope at church under our new senior pastor; a great encouragement. Tim challenged us with a sermon on Acts 20, and asked one question that will stick with me: as a church, do we want to be a cruise ship, or an aircraft carrier? One bends over backwards to meet every felt need of those aboard. People lounge around in the sun waiting for the next activity on the schedule. Or, do we long to be an aircraft carrier, equipping, refreshing, ministering to people with a mission, sending them out, welcoming them home? That's what I want to spend my life serving. To enable a consumer mentality to flourish in a church is to render it useless in the Kingdom. It becomes self-absorbed and lazy, and usually full of dissension; that's what happens when people are bored. I am excited for our church, and eager to see what God will do next. I am profoundly grateful.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Still dark...
It is far too late into my morning time for me to expect to get to write much of anything; 7:15, and the little ones are not up yet. I have a feeling it is due in part to the fact that it is still dark. Soon, daylight savings.
And now Lily is up.
I hear her talking to Daddy, and heading my way to retrieve me from my study and blow out my seven candles. It is her morning routine. She blows them out, left to right, and then I usually get a quick Lily hug or a Lily kiss. Sometimes she brings an armful of blankies or little stuffed animals with her.
We have a busy day today--hitting the gym as early as possible (childcare opens at 8), a quick workout, time to get ready, and off to the church by 10. Today is the WIC meeting of all of the female missionaries, followed by lunch. Then home for naps, and back at church by five...in the sanctuary by 5:15 to rehearse, then night two of the missions conference.
And here is Lily. She has brought a blanket and Panda, who is sleeping in a tiny pink shoebox. Lily had instructed me to awaken Panda (who is, apparently, sleeping because he has allergies) once she had blown out all the candles. I was gently scolded with stormy eyes when I failed to wake him up. With a laugh I lifted the box lid to find Panda snuggled in the box with Lily's special blankie. Now she is off to get a spoon to feed Panda. Better get to making some breakfast for my own little Pandas.
And now Lily is up.
I hear her talking to Daddy, and heading my way to retrieve me from my study and blow out my seven candles. It is her morning routine. She blows them out, left to right, and then I usually get a quick Lily hug or a Lily kiss. Sometimes she brings an armful of blankies or little stuffed animals with her.
We have a busy day today--hitting the gym as early as possible (childcare opens at 8), a quick workout, time to get ready, and off to the church by 10. Today is the WIC meeting of all of the female missionaries, followed by lunch. Then home for naps, and back at church by five...in the sanctuary by 5:15 to rehearse, then night two of the missions conference.
And here is Lily. She has brought a blanket and Panda, who is sleeping in a tiny pink shoebox. Lily had instructed me to awaken Panda (who is, apparently, sleeping because he has allergies) once she had blown out all the candles. I was gently scolded with stormy eyes when I failed to wake him up. With a laugh I lifted the box lid to find Panda snuggled in the box with Lily's special blankie. Now she is off to get a spoon to feed Panda. Better get to making some breakfast for my own little Pandas.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Turning a corner
I am sitting in a quiet house with two sleeping children snuggled into their beds for afternoon nap. Though Lily's naps have become less certain, this isn't unusual. The difference? It's 3:30, and they are completely tuckered out after their first day of preschool. Not a peep from that end of the house. And I sit here, having had a wonderfully productive morning of finishing one chapter, starting another, getting Canon's birthday gift boxed and mailed, getting laundry put away, more laundry in...and now a little break to sit and reflect on this new phase of life.
True, I've had a babysitter over the last few months so I could churn out this book. But there's something infinitely better about being alone in your own house. I know I am going to get to some of the projects that have been on my mind, use those spots in between writing inspiration to get the dishwasher unloaded or pick up a few toys. Four and a half hours, twice a week, counting the time it takes to drop them off and pick them up. I'll take it.
They both had a great time. Lily told me that her favorite part was the playground, especially climbing up on "thirty steps." Jack liked the time singing songs, and chose "Itsy Bitsy Spider"as his favorite song. Jack made a little paper crown with a tugboat, and Lily made a book about God's love. Everything I could ask for as my little ones come home from preschool.
And now, naps.
And quiet.
True, I've had a babysitter over the last few months so I could churn out this book. But there's something infinitely better about being alone in your own house. I know I am going to get to some of the projects that have been on my mind, use those spots in between writing inspiration to get the dishwasher unloaded or pick up a few toys. Four and a half hours, twice a week, counting the time it takes to drop them off and pick them up. I'll take it.
They both had a great time. Lily told me that her favorite part was the playground, especially climbing up on "thirty steps." Jack liked the time singing songs, and chose "Itsy Bitsy Spider"as his favorite song. Jack made a little paper crown with a tugboat, and Lily made a book about God's love. Everything I could ask for as my little ones come home from preschool.
And now, naps.
And quiet.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Vacation
As Lily reminds me, we are "far from home." But that's not what defines this vacation for me. I think it's more the fact that I have slept through the night without interruption every night since we got here, and have generally gotten to sleep in past seven while Grandma hangs out with the kids. Jack has slept late; maybe he senses that we're on vacation. Rest--that's a huge part of this real vacation! Help with the kids, play time at pretty parks and the beach, swimming, it's all wonderful. But on a much more basic level, I finally feel rested. It may get undone on our drive back across the country, and we certainly will hit the ground running. But I'm not thinking about that. I'm resting, enjoying, and soaking up the days with sunshine and cool breezes and beauty and family and friends. And I'm feeling really grateful for this break.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Trees by flowing streams
Yesterday, Jack was carrying around the little orange Gideon Bible that Lily used to carry all the time. "My Bi-bowl," he says. He pretends to read it. I can't help but look at Jack and see a tiny little pastor. He loves to pray, his sweet little whisper prayers. When I hurt my back, he just kept praying all evening that Mommy's back would get better, and he still prays it at meal times. He loves to sing Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, and Praise Him, Praise Him. These are his favorite songs, and he will often be singing them to himself, or sit at the piano and sing them. He and Lily both ask for their Bible story after dinner every night, and Jack insists on holding hands when we sing and pray after the story. It is a precious time, and I love how he looks around at his family with a smile as he sings. He has such a precious little heart; he's such a love. I hope he retains that sweet spirit as he grows up. His dad did.
Some of the verses I read this morning reminded me of Lily and Jack, and my prayer for them. They're from Isaiah 44:
3 I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
4 They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams.
5 One will say, 'I belong to the LORD ';
another will call himself by the name of Jacob;
still another will write on his hand, 'The LORD's,'
and will take the name Israel.
This is my deepest prayer for my children--that they would know they belong to the Lord, and would flourish like beautiful trees well-watered by the Spirit. I see the Lord working in their lives, and I long for the day when they really know Christ as their Savior and are confident in their adoption into his family. It reminds me that in my daily life, my chief goal is to point them to Christ, and to our need for him, rather than just parenting their behavior. It's a fine line sometimes. Lord, give me the patience and love for them to keep showing them you no matter what else is going on.
Some of the verses I read this morning reminded me of Lily and Jack, and my prayer for them. They're from Isaiah 44:
3 I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
4 They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams.
5 One will say, 'I belong to the LORD ';
another will call himself by the name of Jacob;
still another will write on his hand, 'The LORD's,'
and will take the name Israel.
This is my deepest prayer for my children--that they would know they belong to the Lord, and would flourish like beautiful trees well-watered by the Spirit. I see the Lord working in their lives, and I long for the day when they really know Christ as their Savior and are confident in their adoption into his family. It reminds me that in my daily life, my chief goal is to point them to Christ, and to our need for him, rather than just parenting their behavior. It's a fine line sometimes. Lord, give me the patience and love for them to keep showing them you no matter what else is going on.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Foundation
He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure. (Isaiah 33:6)
I have Scripture readings delivered to my inbox every morning; it goes a long way toward helping me stay on track with a reading program. This verse stood out to me this morning. Thinking of God as "the sure foundation for your times" is very settling. I remember sitting on the giant granite boulders on the shore between Manchester By the Sea and Gloucester, feeling how settled and secure they were. Such a contrast to the rolling waves crashing in front of me. God is like that. He is a sure foundation, and I sit there and life rolls and crashes around me, but I have a steady place from which to observe and experience it. Not only that, he is a rich store of three things: salvation, wisdom and knowledge. I need those things so clearly: to parent, to be a helpful wife and dear friend to Joel, to counsel others, to know how to live, to have hope for the future. And finally the verse points us to the way we access the Lord's salvation, wisdom and knowledge: reverent submission to him (fear of the LORD).
Last night I watched a sobering documentary on Netflix: Maxed Out. Man. It told the story of how the credit companies work, interwoven with politics, legislative bills, creditor collection services, and the stories of people who have declared bankruptcy, who are living beyond their means, even who took their lives because of the mess that their irresponsibility with credit had made of their lives. It was very well-done, and very troubling. It made me all the more committed to living as much as possible in a debt-free lifestyle. It also made me that much more passionate about offering the opportunity for our college and career friends (and whoever else wants to go) to hear Dave Ramsey when he comes to Atlanta in the fall. I've already talked with them and they have a wonderful group rate for church groups. I wish I had studied this stuff when I was in my early twenties, and I look forward to sharing these wise principles with our friends.
I am enjoying the clouds this morning after days of heat. We even had rain in the night, and I hope it will revive my garden. My watering does not seem sufficient...it needs a good, soaking rain. Boy, do I understand that.
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure. (Isaiah 33:6)
I have Scripture readings delivered to my inbox every morning; it goes a long way toward helping me stay on track with a reading program. This verse stood out to me this morning. Thinking of God as "the sure foundation for your times" is very settling. I remember sitting on the giant granite boulders on the shore between Manchester By the Sea and Gloucester, feeling how settled and secure they were. Such a contrast to the rolling waves crashing in front of me. God is like that. He is a sure foundation, and I sit there and life rolls and crashes around me, but I have a steady place from which to observe and experience it. Not only that, he is a rich store of three things: salvation, wisdom and knowledge. I need those things so clearly: to parent, to be a helpful wife and dear friend to Joel, to counsel others, to know how to live, to have hope for the future. And finally the verse points us to the way we access the Lord's salvation, wisdom and knowledge: reverent submission to him (fear of the LORD).
Last night I watched a sobering documentary on Netflix: Maxed Out. Man. It told the story of how the credit companies work, interwoven with politics, legislative bills, creditor collection services, and the stories of people who have declared bankruptcy, who are living beyond their means, even who took their lives because of the mess that their irresponsibility with credit had made of their lives. It was very well-done, and very troubling. It made me all the more committed to living as much as possible in a debt-free lifestyle. It also made me that much more passionate about offering the opportunity for our college and career friends (and whoever else wants to go) to hear Dave Ramsey when he comes to Atlanta in the fall. I've already talked with them and they have a wonderful group rate for church groups. I wish I had studied this stuff when I was in my early twenties, and I look forward to sharing these wise principles with our friends.
I am enjoying the clouds this morning after days of heat. We even had rain in the night, and I hope it will revive my garden. My watering does not seem sufficient...it needs a good, soaking rain. Boy, do I understand that.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
What is it?
My definition of "quiet moment" has changed. At this very second it means that I am sitting. Lily is, I believe, rolling up the carpet in the hall so she can pull the cloth-bottomed laundry hamper down the hall into my room. I decided to let her attempt it, and she is very pleased with herself. And now she is replacing the rug. I will take all the help I can get.
I am learning to harness Lily's desire to be helpful. This morning I asked her to teach Jack to put all of his laundry into his laundry basket (it had been in service holding some clean laundry)--I returned to find it all neatly placed in the basket. Lily had finished the job. She's great at finding "old juice" (sippies from earlier hours) around the house and placing them in the sink for me. She'll take a stack of kitchen towels and place them in the baskets in the kitchen. I find that if I give her one task, she's great. It's more a matter of training Mommy than training Lily in some jobs, because I cannot say "Please clean your room" and expect anything to be finished. Gotta break it down.
Which is not a bad lesson for me, too. Breaking tasks down into more manageable parts is about the only way I can get things done. Right now I am typing. I am also holding a stuffed lambie who apparently scratched his leg. I am holding him while Lily gets things together for drawing. And now I am being asked to help Lily to work on her drawing. It's a very orange picture of Lambie crying. Oh dear. That may be the end of this post.
I am learning to harness Lily's desire to be helpful. This morning I asked her to teach Jack to put all of his laundry into his laundry basket (it had been in service holding some clean laundry)--I returned to find it all neatly placed in the basket. Lily had finished the job. She's great at finding "old juice" (sippies from earlier hours) around the house and placing them in the sink for me. She'll take a stack of kitchen towels and place them in the baskets in the kitchen. I find that if I give her one task, she's great. It's more a matter of training Mommy than training Lily in some jobs, because I cannot say "Please clean your room" and expect anything to be finished. Gotta break it down.
Which is not a bad lesson for me, too. Breaking tasks down into more manageable parts is about the only way I can get things done. Right now I am typing. I am also holding a stuffed lambie who apparently scratched his leg. I am holding him while Lily gets things together for drawing. And now I am being asked to help Lily to work on her drawing. It's a very orange picture of Lambie crying. Oh dear. That may be the end of this post.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Birthday thoughts
It's a beautiful birthday morning. The birds are singing and the sun is up, the house even quiet for this moment. I read in Isaiah and Romans 11 today--passages that get sent to my email inbox to keep me on track. Romans 11 is an incredible passage, with thoughts far beyond what I can understand. I appreciate that Paul--who clearly understands what he's saying far better than I do--can only end with doxology, as his study of God's unsearchable ways leads him to worship. That is the only place we can go as we read Romans 11. I mean, you could head down a path of unending questions or even "that's not fair," the lump of clay shaking its fist at the universe. But worship is so much more beautiful, more elegant, truer. God made it all. He will accomplish his purposes. Nothing can stand it his way. And I get to call him Abba. And not only that, his character is completely trustworthy, so I can trust him with my deepest and most troubling questions. And that, too, leads me to worship.
Tim preached a really great sermon on Sunday, both morning and evening. In the morning he talked about Psalm 130, and reminded us that the heights of our worship is determined by the depth of our awareness of our own sin. Those who have been forgiven much and know they have been forgiven much are much more easily lost in wonder, love and praise than those who figure they're doing pretty well. Of course they are. I want to spend today aware of my own sin and grateful beyond words for God's grace through Christ toward me. Rather than focusing on my goals and my thoughts for the year, I would really like to simply reflect on the Cross, and know Christ better. Have the eyes of my heart enlightened, that I may know the hope of my calling, the riches of my inheritance in Jesus, and the power at work in my life. Lord, let the power of the resurrection be evident in my life this year.
I am off to Nashville with Joel this morning, combining the PCA's General Assembly with a little birthday getaway. We don't need to be there until 7 tonight, where we will get to engage in worship with brothers and sisters in ministry from all over the country and the world. What better way to celebrate one's birthday?! I can't wait. Before that we may try one of the little wineries between here and there, or check out some of the sights in Nashville. It's an open day. The kids will be with Bob and Lisa, and Lily especially has been talking for two weeks about her sleepover. She can't wait. I hope it all goes as smoothly as it promises. Last night Lily told me that she needs to have her sleepover for two days, just like with the McElhaneys. Lily had never known such fun as sleeping in the big girls' room. Lily is convinced that she and Jack will be sharing a room and having a big ole time, which they may well do. I can't wait to hear all about their adventure, and pray for my dear Bob and Lisa with a grateful heart that they love our children so.
It's seven now, and the house is still quiet. What a birthday gift, to have a few uninterrupted moments. I receive it with joy, and am ready to begin the day. God is kind and gracious.
Tim preached a really great sermon on Sunday, both morning and evening. In the morning he talked about Psalm 130, and reminded us that the heights of our worship is determined by the depth of our awareness of our own sin. Those who have been forgiven much and know they have been forgiven much are much more easily lost in wonder, love and praise than those who figure they're doing pretty well. Of course they are. I want to spend today aware of my own sin and grateful beyond words for God's grace through Christ toward me. Rather than focusing on my goals and my thoughts for the year, I would really like to simply reflect on the Cross, and know Christ better. Have the eyes of my heart enlightened, that I may know the hope of my calling, the riches of my inheritance in Jesus, and the power at work in my life. Lord, let the power of the resurrection be evident in my life this year.
I am off to Nashville with Joel this morning, combining the PCA's General Assembly with a little birthday getaway. We don't need to be there until 7 tonight, where we will get to engage in worship with brothers and sisters in ministry from all over the country and the world. What better way to celebrate one's birthday?! I can't wait. Before that we may try one of the little wineries between here and there, or check out some of the sights in Nashville. It's an open day. The kids will be with Bob and Lisa, and Lily especially has been talking for two weeks about her sleepover. She can't wait. I hope it all goes as smoothly as it promises. Last night Lily told me that she needs to have her sleepover for two days, just like with the McElhaneys. Lily had never known such fun as sleeping in the big girls' room. Lily is convinced that she and Jack will be sharing a room and having a big ole time, which they may well do. I can't wait to hear all about their adventure, and pray for my dear Bob and Lisa with a grateful heart that they love our children so.
It's seven now, and the house is still quiet. What a birthday gift, to have a few uninterrupted moments. I receive it with joy, and am ready to begin the day. God is kind and gracious.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Early morning train
Lily has been up since 6:20, so I guess a half hour in her room being quiet is as much as I can expect. But I'm not sure why she is standing in the hall making train whistle noises. I suspect it has something to do with Jack being awake. Lily generally takes it upon herself to go in and entertain Jack when he wakes up. At least she now asks for permission; I could hear her peeking her head out of the hall door, talking to Daddy. On this particular morning, Jack doesn't want Lily and her books and toys....he wants Daddy. And Daddy will come. And the morning begins.
At least it's not 6:15.
At least it's not 6:15.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Short of suffering
Romans 5:1-5: "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Justified. Peace with God through Jesus. Access by faith into this grace in which we stand through Jesus. Rejoicing on the hope of God's glory. Rejoicing in sufferings. Suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance produces character. Character produces hope. And this hope doesn't let us down, because we are filled with God's love through the Holy Spirit.
What a passage. Sometimes I feel like Romans is so full of God's promises and plan and blessings that it is difficult to read; it's easy to miss some essential truth because it's so packed and so familiar. For example, I am drawn to the focus of our suffering: the hope of God's glory. I think we often read this passage and assume the the suffering which forms our character and gives us hope is providing hope of something better or easier for us. But the hope that does not disappoint is hope in God's glory, because it is assured. God will be glorify. Somehow, our suffering hones us but also finds its ultimate meaning in God's glory. Sometimes I wonder what that will look like, when we are finished and look back over the pages of history. How will the suffering of God's people hold a mirror up to God's glory?
It seems to me that while I may suffer from time to time, it is more often that I face annoyance. Irritation. Inconvenience. Sometimes I react worse to these than I do to real suffering. I wonder why that is. I mean, I know that real suffering hones my character and produces the hope of God's glory. But what about when Lily goes in to play trains with Jack at 6:15 a.m.? When things fall on the ground or the coffee spills or the dryer stops working? It's so easy to become annoyed or frustrated or easily angered by daily disruptions. So my question this morning is, Is there any way that these annoyances can shape me? God, can you use them?
Is there any use in sufferings that fall short of real suffering?
I guess James 1:2-5 relates to this question: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." I still have to believe that James is talking about something much more difficult than what I deal with on a day-to-day basis, but I suppose the things that bother me can fall under "trials of many kinds." Because even the little things test my faith. Not faith that Jesus has saved me, or faith that I am redeemed by grace, but maybe my faith that God really does have a plan and purpose for every part of my life. If I am quick to anger, is it not because some part of me doesn't really trust God? If I am easily frustrated, is it not because I am relying on my own power, and not seeking the peace and quiet heart of abiding in Christ? The irritations of life are one of the most useful schools of spiritual formation, if I will simply turn my eyes toward Christ.
Our hearts are idol factories, and so often the things that make us the most irritated and angry reveal our idols. So, as I go through today, I pray I will have eyes to see my own idols, and a heart that trusts Christ in all things.
Justified. Peace with God through Jesus. Access by faith into this grace in which we stand through Jesus. Rejoicing on the hope of God's glory. Rejoicing in sufferings. Suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance produces character. Character produces hope. And this hope doesn't let us down, because we are filled with God's love through the Holy Spirit.
What a passage. Sometimes I feel like Romans is so full of God's promises and plan and blessings that it is difficult to read; it's easy to miss some essential truth because it's so packed and so familiar. For example, I am drawn to the focus of our suffering: the hope of God's glory. I think we often read this passage and assume the the suffering which forms our character and gives us hope is providing hope of something better or easier for us. But the hope that does not disappoint is hope in God's glory, because it is assured. God will be glorify. Somehow, our suffering hones us but also finds its ultimate meaning in God's glory. Sometimes I wonder what that will look like, when we are finished and look back over the pages of history. How will the suffering of God's people hold a mirror up to God's glory?
It seems to me that while I may suffer from time to time, it is more often that I face annoyance. Irritation. Inconvenience. Sometimes I react worse to these than I do to real suffering. I wonder why that is. I mean, I know that real suffering hones my character and produces the hope of God's glory. But what about when Lily goes in to play trains with Jack at 6:15 a.m.? When things fall on the ground or the coffee spills or the dryer stops working? It's so easy to become annoyed or frustrated or easily angered by daily disruptions. So my question this morning is, Is there any way that these annoyances can shape me? God, can you use them?
Is there any use in sufferings that fall short of real suffering?
I guess James 1:2-5 relates to this question: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." I still have to believe that James is talking about something much more difficult than what I deal with on a day-to-day basis, but I suppose the things that bother me can fall under "trials of many kinds." Because even the little things test my faith. Not faith that Jesus has saved me, or faith that I am redeemed by grace, but maybe my faith that God really does have a plan and purpose for every part of my life. If I am quick to anger, is it not because some part of me doesn't really trust God? If I am easily frustrated, is it not because I am relying on my own power, and not seeking the peace and quiet heart of abiding in Christ? The irritations of life are one of the most useful schools of spiritual formation, if I will simply turn my eyes toward Christ.
Our hearts are idol factories, and so often the things that make us the most irritated and angry reveal our idols. So, as I go through today, I pray I will have eyes to see my own idols, and a heart that trusts Christ in all things.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Saturday
It's not really a quiet morning. The dishwasher is going, I can hear Caillou downstairs, and Joel is listening to coverage on the awesome Laker win. All good things, though, and we are having a very pleasant morning. Early, but good. I have two very early risers, and this morning they were both up by 6:15. I am usually up by that time, but I'm still recovering from four hours of sleep after staying up to watch the Laker victory on Thursday night. (Well worth it, by the way.) Anyway, I could hear Lily go in Jack's room; she loves bringing him toys when he wakes up. Joel changed Jack's diaper, and the two little buddies were off and running.
I love hearing their conversations, especially when they are playing. Lily said, "Let's play dominoes!" which to her means rolling dice or counting the dots. They both love the set of dice I gave them to use for counting. They love yelling "fluffy bunny", which comes from one of their Usborn books. I see them developing their own little world together, and it makes me very happy.
Last night Lily said she wanted another Jack, and then three Jacks and three Lilies. She likes the number three because she is three, and insists that she gets three stories (at least), or three toys, or three blankets, because she's three. Well, of course.
I love hearing their conversations, especially when they are playing. Lily said, "Let's play dominoes!" which to her means rolling dice or counting the dots. They both love the set of dice I gave them to use for counting. They love yelling "fluffy bunny", which comes from one of their Usborn books. I see them developing their own little world together, and it makes me very happy.
Last night Lily said she wanted another Jack, and then three Jacks and three Lilies. She likes the number three because she is three, and insists that she gets three stories (at least), or three toys, or three blankets, because she's three. Well, of course.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Quiet Sunday
The sun is up, and it is already warm. We're in for another hot day. But it is pleasant to be awake in this early part of the morning.
This morning I finished off my preparations for our Sunday School class. I really enjoy teaching the career class--an eclectic group, different places in life, thoughtful discussion, good questions. Our study of Ruth followed a study of Ephesians, and I think we will move to Acts next. This morning I was reflecting on the people in Christ's genealogy; he could have chosen any family line, and his is peopled with sinners and outsiders. What great comfort there is in the fact that this is Jesus' clear choice. Tamars and Rahabs and Ruths and Bathshebas--he brings them together as his grandmothers. The fact that Rahab is Boaz' mother stood out to me this morning, too; no wonder he was so compassionate to the outsider Ruth.
The children slept through the night and until now; I hear Jack calling now. I wonder whether Lily will go in an entertain him until "Mr. Sun comes up." That is their usual routine; Lily must stay in her room until her Mr. Moon nightlight turns from blue to yellow, and becomes Mr. Sun. But if she wants to go in an entertain Jack if he's stirring, she may. She loves to fill his crib with toys and books, and sometimes "reads" to him or sings the ABC song with him. While I never want her to feel that she is in charge of Jack, I love that she desires so genuinely to help him.
Yesterday was a thorough housecleaning day, and my little study is finally free from miscellaneous papers and clutter. I hate clutter, yet I can tune it out when I am overwhelmed by the other activities of life. Yesterday I attacked it, and I must say that it is encouraging to be able to get everything set back right in one day. Makes me feel like less of a candidate for the show Hoarders.
Lily has run in calling, "I am the rescuer!" and would like me to go get Jack. I shall. Another good Sunday.
This morning I finished off my preparations for our Sunday School class. I really enjoy teaching the career class--an eclectic group, different places in life, thoughtful discussion, good questions. Our study of Ruth followed a study of Ephesians, and I think we will move to Acts next. This morning I was reflecting on the people in Christ's genealogy; he could have chosen any family line, and his is peopled with sinners and outsiders. What great comfort there is in the fact that this is Jesus' clear choice. Tamars and Rahabs and Ruths and Bathshebas--he brings them together as his grandmothers. The fact that Rahab is Boaz' mother stood out to me this morning, too; no wonder he was so compassionate to the outsider Ruth.
The children slept through the night and until now; I hear Jack calling now. I wonder whether Lily will go in an entertain him until "Mr. Sun comes up." That is their usual routine; Lily must stay in her room until her Mr. Moon nightlight turns from blue to yellow, and becomes Mr. Sun. But if she wants to go in an entertain Jack if he's stirring, she may. She loves to fill his crib with toys and books, and sometimes "reads" to him or sings the ABC song with him. While I never want her to feel that she is in charge of Jack, I love that she desires so genuinely to help him.
Yesterday was a thorough housecleaning day, and my little study is finally free from miscellaneous papers and clutter. I hate clutter, yet I can tune it out when I am overwhelmed by the other activities of life. Yesterday I attacked it, and I must say that it is encouraging to be able to get everything set back right in one day. Makes me feel like less of a candidate for the show Hoarders.
Lily has run in calling, "I am the rescuer!" and would like me to go get Jack. I shall. Another good Sunday.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I'll help him!
Lily was up by 6:15, her little light on, when I got up to check on Jack. He was calling for Mommy, but Lily met me in the hall. "I'll help him!" she urged, patting her chest. "I can do it!"
I knew that if I went in Jack's room, he would want to get up, even though he's cranky if he gets up that early. So, I figured I'd give Lily a shot. She loves going into Jack's room in the morning or when naps are winding down, and will fill his crib with books and cars and toys.
I heard her go in and greet Jack, and then she started to read to him. She gave him books, pointed out letters, they both sang the ABC song. This went on for about 15 minutes. It was pretty amazing to listen to them playing together. Lily loves her brother, and Jack is generally thrilled to see Lily. Such a sweet little friendship.
I knew that if I went in Jack's room, he would want to get up, even though he's cranky if he gets up that early. So, I figured I'd give Lily a shot. She loves going into Jack's room in the morning or when naps are winding down, and will fill his crib with books and cars and toys.
I heard her go in and greet Jack, and then she started to read to him. She gave him books, pointed out letters, they both sang the ABC song. This went on for about 15 minutes. It was pretty amazing to listen to them playing together. Lily loves her brother, and Jack is generally thrilled to see Lily. Such a sweet little friendship.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Asheville
We just returned from a spontaneous trip to Asheville, were we spend a couple of days with Brennen and Sheila and their three amazing kids. I've known Sarah, Ryan and Katie since they were born, and spent lots of time with them when they were little. Indeed, when they were the age that my kids are now. Kate was named after me, and I was in the delivery room when she was born and peered up at us with one eye open. They were all in my wedding, looking perfect and beautiful and precious, executing their duties with our other then-little friend Madeline. Now they are so big; Sarah is 14, smart, pretty, taking college classes and blowing everyone out of the water. Ryan is funny and charming, the entrepreneur we all saw coming when he was four. And Miss Kate is her very own person, thoughtful and adventurous and everything great about being ten.
Now they are big enough to watch my kids, and they do as if Lily and Jack were their beloved little cousins. Sarah even volunteered to head up babysitting them so that Joel and I could go on a double date with Brennen and Sheila last night. It was perfect. The kids went down without a fuss, and we had a great time discovering a fun Cuban place and exploring downtown Asheville. It's a whole new era.
There is something about being around people who really know you and love you that is very refreshing. They are a piece of home.
Now they are big enough to watch my kids, and they do as if Lily and Jack were their beloved little cousins. Sarah even volunteered to head up babysitting them so that Joel and I could go on a double date with Brennen and Sheila last night. It was perfect. The kids went down without a fuss, and we had a great time discovering a fun Cuban place and exploring downtown Asheville. It's a whole new era.
There is something about being around people who really know you and love you that is very refreshing. They are a piece of home.
The Kiddie Pool
The kids are playing in the kiddie pool, and it feels a bit like an oasis in the backyard. Let me paint a picture. We have created a kid zone in the flattest part of the yard; it consists of a wonderful molded plastic climbing set with a little clubhouse and slide. Behind that is one of those classic turtle sandboxes, and to the fun we have now added last year's kiddie pool. It is now quite filled with a few inches of water, three dump trucks, two buckets, and a shovel. Oh, and two preschoolers. We are in the shade of eight or nine tall trees--oaks, hickory, pine. The sun is warm behind occasional clouds, and the breeze from a stirring thunderstorm feels perfect.
Lily is offering a running storyline to go with their playtime. ("And she had to take a bath. So Lily hopped into her favorite truck. It didn't want to be in the water.") Only apparently it did, because then it gets all dirty, and gets washed in the kiddie pool.
Lily just asked why it's called a kiddie pool. Apparently I am pronouncing it "kitty pool," because she pointed out that she and Jack are people. Point taken.
Jack runs over to me (positioned a safe distance from the splashing) every few moments to tell me it's fun. He is my sweet boy who likes to check in. I hope that's still true, on a less moment-by-moment basis, when he's grown!
I hear thunder approaching, though the birds are singing and it's still sunny and very warm. I suppose we will need to go in soon. I am really enjoying this moment, though. As a friend said last week, water is a wonderful babysitter. :) My kids certainly love to play, and love having no restrictions on their splashing.
Lily is offering a running storyline to go with their playtime. ("And she had to take a bath. So Lily hopped into her favorite truck. It didn't want to be in the water.") Only apparently it did, because then it gets all dirty, and gets washed in the kiddie pool.
Lily just asked why it's called a kiddie pool. Apparently I am pronouncing it "kitty pool," because she pointed out that she and Jack are people. Point taken.
Jack runs over to me (positioned a safe distance from the splashing) every few moments to tell me it's fun. He is my sweet boy who likes to check in. I hope that's still true, on a less moment-by-moment basis, when he's grown!
I hear thunder approaching, though the birds are singing and it's still sunny and very warm. I suppose we will need to go in soon. I am really enjoying this moment, though. As a friend said last week, water is a wonderful babysitter. :) My kids certainly love to play, and love having no restrictions on their splashing.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Rain
I'm kicking off this new blog with two posts in one day. I heard a faint patter, and there it is--rain. I like seeing my lilies outside soaking it up. Rain means I don't have to lug the hose all over the back yard...though I must say, I don't mind watering. There is something about seeing the soil grow dark as I turn the hose on it, knowing that I'm helping those little plants with the great, dinner-plate leaves to get what they need. With parenting, I often second-guess myself. Plants are easy. You put seeds in the ground, you give them some water, you see what comes up.
Well, that's my method of planting. This is the least organized garden ever. It does have rows. But what's in them? Good question. The onions are easy; the squash blossoms and pumpkin blossoms gave those plants away. The corn is easy to identify. But the rest? Might be carrots, might be cantaloupe. Who knows?
Miss Annette, my neighbor, would know. She knows everything about gardens. She couple probably tell what's weeds and what's carrots.
But I'm content to wait and see. Adds to the mystery.
Well, that's my method of planting. This is the least organized garden ever. It does have rows. But what's in them? Good question. The onions are easy; the squash blossoms and pumpkin blossoms gave those plants away. The corn is easy to identify. But the rest? Might be carrots, might be cantaloupe. Who knows?
Miss Annette, my neighbor, would know. She knows everything about gardens. She couple probably tell what's weeds and what's carrots.
But I'm content to wait and see. Adds to the mystery.
A Tuesday
The sun is just starting to rise, and the birds provide a cheerful chorus outside. Candles are glowing, and the house is quiet. I read a chapter in Ecclesiastes and one in Acts today, delivered straight to my inbox by a website that makes it easy to read. One passage on meaninglessness, and one on Paul in prison. An interesting contrast.
I hear doors banging in the hall. Lily has been up for nearly half an hour; I think she would get up at 6 if I let her. I wonder if it will be easier when she gets a little older. It's hard for a three-year old to turn on her light and play quietly first thing in the morning, though she does a pretty good job. I tell her that Mama needs to spend time with God, and sometimes she will cheerfully curl up with books until her nightlight shifts from Mr. Moon to Mr. Sun at 7:00.
I have never been an early riser, but I need this solitude. I need time to reflect on Scripture and remember that I'm raising children who belong to the Lord. It becomes almost a prayer: these are covenant children. These are your children. And it helps a great deal in those moments when my own patience has worn thin. I simply don't have within me what it takes to raise these children. They demand far more than I have--not just than what I have for them, but what I have period. And indeed, their needs can only be fully met by a transcendent God of all comfort and peace and love. So, it's a good think that they belong to him, and then to me. I can shepherd them, but I am not their be-all and end-all.
And that's a good thing.
We have the same be-all and end-all, and that is enough.
I hear doors banging in the hall. Lily has been up for nearly half an hour; I think she would get up at 6 if I let her. I wonder if it will be easier when she gets a little older. It's hard for a three-year old to turn on her light and play quietly first thing in the morning, though she does a pretty good job. I tell her that Mama needs to spend time with God, and sometimes she will cheerfully curl up with books until her nightlight shifts from Mr. Moon to Mr. Sun at 7:00.
I have never been an early riser, but I need this solitude. I need time to reflect on Scripture and remember that I'm raising children who belong to the Lord. It becomes almost a prayer: these are covenant children. These are your children. And it helps a great deal in those moments when my own patience has worn thin. I simply don't have within me what it takes to raise these children. They demand far more than I have--not just than what I have for them, but what I have period. And indeed, their needs can only be fully met by a transcendent God of all comfort and peace and love. So, it's a good think that they belong to him, and then to me. I can shepherd them, but I am not their be-all and end-all.
And that's a good thing.
We have the same be-all and end-all, and that is enough.